Late night thoughts

Here I sit thinking I have to get up at 5am and I have been to bed twice and still no sleep.  I wonder how many people really can't sleep or just say they can't...lol.  I am weird...thoughts that are not linked whatsoever swim around in my head like in Wizard of Oz tornado.  I am dead tired, first day back at work after the horrible last couple of weeks and I am pooped, but my mind isn't.  I keep on doing the what if game....I know everyone does it but do they do it all the time like I do?  I think that is why I am so different than when I was a young woman.  I am morbidly attached to the past.  I keep having to remind myself to look to the future, but when you are almost 60 there is a lot of past and not so much future.  I do not mean no future because if I have anything to do with it I want to be a great, great, great grandma...alive!   Anyway I was talking with a couple of friends of my on the phone and I could not get over the fact the conversations were so different..I mean both of been friends of mine for a long time and know me very well but yet when I talk to them it is a totally different conversation with each of them.  One is pretty self-centered and the conversation was pretty much about how my situation is affecting her...I just can't get over the fact that my husband killing himself as made her life different...she is talking about death as if it is just around the corner.  And yes I am aware we do not know when it is coming but she creeped me out!!!  Now my other friend was sharing thoughts and her life with me and we had a good couple of laughs..why can't more people see the humor in life?  It is everywhere.
As my momma used to say to us kids..someone else somewhere is a lot worse off than you are...and boy was she right.  I do know one thing: the most important things in my life I got right...family and friends.  Even the irritating ones are precious to me.  Well I am going to go in there and try to sleep again..I hope someone reads this thing..I think. One likes to think someone is interested in what makes you tick.  Including myself.  Good Night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite.